No title really just writing

Yesterday for the first time in almost ten years I looked upon him. The years had finally caught up to him. Yet his smile was there. The laughter in his stare. I couldn't digest what I had I seen the moment he went to get out of the truck and I saw his braces for the first time.

Years of sun have left there cancerous marks on his body. Diabetes has taken his feet away. The braces are his way to stand up right walk. "Help me up to curb son. Let us smoke and talk."

His arm around me as I helped him get to the bench. My step mother in tow watching him get around.

We talked and smoked. Went inside ate, had a beer. I showed him pictures of his grand kids. Oldest to youngest they would sit and stare. Wondering when and where had the time gone. Has it really been this long?

I went back to work after the meal thankful. As the night progressed I would drift off to the years we have had. The years between a father and a son. I laid awake in the night with a tear in my eyes. He has become the old man. Loving in the hardest of his times. Still guiding in his way. Still being the man I wanted to be one day.

His eyes still piercing blue. Smile and hair line farther back. Yet he is still my dad. As I laid there I saw something my wife has lived out for years. I saw the day that will come when I will say a final goodbye. Last night I tried to write this all out. Emotion was what came out. In all the things I tried to say.

Today I sit and write what I couldn't get my heart around in the hours to the dawn. I am tired. Exhausted is more like it. Yet, I got see me dad. To say the things I never could or would. To hear him sing his praises of my kids. To compliment the beauty of my wife. To say he now sees honor in my heart he always knew was there.

I have been a man for years, yesterday he confirmed that in his heart I am good man. I finally grew up in an Apple bee's some where in Chandler, Arizona. If he were to go in his sleep he would have heard the thank you I never offered in youth. Felt the hug of respect and concern. He will have seen his legacy raising his family. Knowing I finally now the cost it took in putting up with a little shit like me at times.

What a difference two hours can bring. Ten years caught up. A lifetime lived. A lifetime being lived. Both men with hearts that don't quit. Guess it is the beer and smokes. Nope.. It is just the love finally being shared from a son to his father.

I love you dad.

S/F

Smokin Chaplain