It has been a hard week or so for me. Yesterday I decided to take a ride down one of the canyon roads that I have feared for many, many years. As I stopped at the top of Grimes canyon, I mentally hauled ass down the road. When I had pictured everything as it was the last time I was on there, I put my bike in gear and did a "Learning lap" (This is what you do to test the track/Canyon and the adjustments made on your bike) The first run down my speed average for the whole canyon was 50 mph. This is faster than I have gone down it before, but still wasn't good enough for me. I had some serious aggression I needed to rid myself of.
I rode back up to the top and started from farther back to keep my speed up. That run down average speed was 84 mph. It was a kick in the ass in terms of adrenaline rushes. Still it wasn't good enough. The music in my headphones was taunting me in a sense. I rode back up to the top again. One last time. I was going to erase the fear long held for that canyon once and for all. I also hoped the last run would heal the wounds felt deep within from what had transpired in my personal life. I went another mile back with no cars coming on my side of the road I took off. I hit the entrance of the canyon at 125 mph. I have attached a photo from google maps of the canyon. So you can get a general idea of the road. As I came into the first left hand corner, I was leaning into the corner with my whole body, knees and elbows dragging as my tires strained to hold their grip on the asphalt. Right hand corners are a bitch on my body to the fake elbow in that arm. Yet, I was hell bent on pushing myself and my bike i made the next right loading all my weight into my legs and part of my elbow. I continued down the road like my ass was on fire. In a matter of moments I was making the sweeping right hand turn at the bottom of the hill that brings out to Hwy 26. I pulled over and looked at my lap timer on my bike and avg speed. Average speed that run was 94 mph. Three times what i had ever done on a bike on that road in my life time. My arm and body ached.
I rode home feeling personal satisfaction at facing and completing a challenge I gave myself. That was all I felt as I rode home. My heart still feeling betrayed. I parked the bitch in the garage. Then went about my day writing my newest book. In the evening last night I received an e-mail and a few texts. No matter how hard I tried to put the words in all out of my head. I spent the evening going over my decision. Replaying the lapse of judgment my wife and I made just over a week earlier. I sat there in our room talking to God. Asking him to just take my thoughts away so I could fall asleep. I finally drifted off about 3:45 in the morning. Waking at 6:45 this morning.
My wife and I had a long talk over our morning coffee that extended into me taking her to work. As I drove back from her work alone in my thoughts and my heart again. I still had not felt that I had made any personal progress in my communications with God. I was still angry, Actually I was extremely pissed off is the better term. People all deal with their emotions differently. I have seen some that won't even deal with them. Others that attack back placing blame on anyone or anything but themselves. I deal with my anger two ways. I either confront with words or fists, or I ride it out. Okay maybe there are three if I can sex is a great way to work off frustration, but I was fucking pissed. When I get that this place it is dangerous for me. I lose sight of my calling and what I have in my life and I stew in my anger. Which of course just gets me angrier. I stood looking at my bedroom window and could see rain clouds were over the canyon. As I drank another cup of coffee I just looked off to the distance. "Kick start my heart" blaring out of the surround system in my computer. I could feel the bass pounding through my floor as I sat there looking and thinking. As I sipped my coffee and it had grown cold. I walked to the closet and took out racing gear and laid it upon the bed. My heart being called to the mountain once again. My elbow still in pain from the ride yesterday. My right pinky has absolutely no feeling in it this morning. It just remains numb like has for some time now.
I look at my gear as I change the song to the "Saints of Los Angeles" I begin to stretch out on the floor trying to get the proper range of motion in my arms and hips. Trying to get blood to circulate into my pinky. I must have replayed the song three to four times. As I stretched and watched the clouds grow thicker on the distant mountain. I went back to my computer and changed the song to "Don't Go Away Mad. Just Go Away." I wrestled my body into the racing gear after I wrapped my elbow brace tightly into place. Zipping the two piece together in the full mirrors that make up our closet doors. When I was finally done I put my Alpine Star Super Tech R racing boots on. The best boot I have ever worn in years of riding by the way. When I snitched the last buckle shut. I walked downstairs to have a meeting with what was stirring within me. I put my earbuds into my ears and selected the music folder with the hardest heavy metal music I have in my collection.
As I got on the 101 freeway Ride the wind was blasting through my ears, as I turned onto the 101/23 interchange I was hitting the corner like it was my own piece of America. Oops, I was breaking the law of the highway as well at the rate of speed I was carrying. I slowed down as I got into the main part of the highway. Listening to the road and cars that were all around. In the view to my north the clouds had grown. I felt my heart beat faster, I prayed that the canyon be covered in fresh rain or that I would ride straight into a down pour to cleanse myself.
If you have never been on a crotch rocket you need to understand in a bike that is less than 300 lbs is over 889 CC of bored out horsepower that delivers roughly 180 horsepower to the rear wheel with 145 foot pounds of torque. At least that is what my bike has been modified to deliver. As I came up on the canyon I could feel the winds from the storm blowing on my left side. I tucked into my little bitch and grabbed a handful of throttle taking it up to 14000 RPM. The inner level of the power band where the exhaust opens up to let out a grunt of seductive noise and vibration through my lower body. If there was a slower car I blew by it.
I hit the canyon as rain drops slammed my helmet and face mask the speed I carried provided the wiper effect as the water just beaded off the sides and down my neck. I went down that road with no thoughts of safety for myself. It was just a moment to be surrounded by some of the greatest scenery on earth and a virgin road slick with moisture. I hit that first corner and felt the bike sliding as my tires screamed for grip on the slippery pavement, I kept my head and my body looking through the corner. for there are no guardrails in this corner and if your front end slides out you are taking a journey down a huge cliff, your landing would be on various cars and other bikes that the road claimed. In less than a minute I was at the bottom. A smile as big as Texas on my face. I wanted more so I rode to the top again with the same speed as going down. Hitting every mark my physiology had memorized over the past two days. As I came out at the top, something came over me. I took off my Racing jacket letting the water soak me down. I tied it around my waist and put my gloves back on wiping off the grips.
I said a little prayer and spun my rear tire in the wet pavement as I went down the canyon again. The rain hitting my body like bee stings, the faster I went the more the drops pierced me. If I slowed it was like I was being misted in a calming shower. Slow went off the edge of the cliffs as I hauled the ever loving mail out myself and my bike. I was at the edge of the envelope where I knew my limitations. A bit of fear raced through my body as I felt my front end begin to slide out on a right hand corner. If I used either my front or rear brake it was over I would slide into a huge rock and be a greasy spot on the side of the road. I gave my bike more throttle to push beyond anything I could handle. It is in this moment all pressure, hurt and betrayal disappeared. Soaking wet and hanging on for dear life, I exited the canyon with a rush few will ever know. I rode down the road to the gas station at the bottom. Filled my tank and smoked a cigarette that tasted so rich and wonderful to me. All the while the rain would come and go. As I took the last gulp of my Pepsi, and the last drag of my smoke, I looked at my controls. Average speed for the last lap was 134 mph. I looked again to make sure on was on the right screen. There in front of me it read the same number. Max speed that registered on that lap was 164 mph.
I smoked one more grit as I tuned into my heart and what I felt. I thanked my Maker for giving the whatever it was to pull off that ride. Knowing he rode the whole way with me. I rode home from rain to a storm making it's way into Newbury Park, when I pulled into the garage, I realized I never put my jacket back on. As I sat down to write this out the feeling of warmth hasn't passed. My mind clear, my heart focused, my desire strengthened once again. Funny the song playing on Pandora as I finish writing is "The Warrior" by Scandel, leading into "One night Alone" by Vixen.
There is a book to be finished. Lives to be touched, and hearts to be uncovered. Never sacrifice one if it will destroy the whole.And always remember you can't save them all.
S/F
Smokin Chaplain
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