Making Sense isn't making sense

I should be finishing up writing my 3rd book right now, instead I am trying to make sense of things that just seem so beyond me. I drove my wife to work this morning like we always do. We have been dealing with a lot on our plates lately in terms of financial stresses, unemployment, and un-enjoyment of current employment on her part.

This morning as we drove we both realized that even though we are living where we grew up. Where blood family is closest, we are living on island of ourselves again. I realized my wife is completely out of balance in all facets of life, the biggest one is her walk with the Lord. She has said it is "laziness" on her part at times. This morning we both realized it isn't laziness in either of us. It is simply a disconnection from the people that have influenced who we are. The guides that didn't really care where we came from, the cared more about who we are now, and what we will become. Tears rolled down her face the whole ride. This isn't a situation where blame or fault is placed on anyone. It is just trying to making sense of the predicament we are in.

As I try to go over a solution I find I am bowing my head and wanting my bride and best friend to have her balance back. As long as she is out of balance so am I. That filters down to our kids. Then one night you are sitting at the dinner table wondering what the hell happened?  Balance and rhythm of the heart are the cornerstones to having and keeping the faith. It allows us to fight the good fight. It lets Love walk in and cast a smile on that the whole world can see.

In cars and bikes you have your tires balanced if you don't shit starts going sideways in a hurry. I am sitting here trying to make sense of we blood family will only see us for what we were in our youth, and not who we are now. I am trying to make sense of why in over a year I have had a total of three interviews. Yet, in the time span of less than three months I have been able to sit at a computer and write books. Three books so far. My big buddy asked how I can just sit and write, then stop and go back to pick up where I stopped?  I don't have that answer. I just sit and the stories unfold. I look at my wife and how she is dying to have her dream come true of finishing higher education knowing with each day I don't bring in a check is another month that dream is placed on hold.

I am trying to make sense of what needs to be done to bring balance and rhythm back to our household. Making sense just isn't making sense. That is why God is God and I am not.

S/F
Smokin Chaplain